Fat Fifty & I should be dead

OK so I hit the big 5 0 recently, I’m fat, menopausal and a little peeved that I’ll probably never be an olympian or a supermodel or even a rockstar, but hey, I am still here. Why should I worry about this you ask, because according to statistics I shouldn’t be.

I attended a funeral on Wednesday for my daughter’s beautiful loving and gorgeous step-mum, Alice. She was forty-nine and left this planet way too soon. What astounded me, as I sat in the church with hundreds of her friends and family celebrating her short life, we were told her mother died of the same disease, colon cancer, at the same age.

This blew me away  and  I turned to a friend next to me who said, “oh yes, her disease was very hereditary.” Implying, even in this modern age of medical breakthroughs she had no hope of surviving a hereditary disease that killed her mother.

Is this true? If it is, then I should be dead!

My mother died of an aggressive pancreatic cancer when she was 50. The pain started in her early forties. I remember her complaining a lot about having no energy, abdominal pain and wanting to sleep all the time.  Life for my mother in her forties was not much fun. She went to numerous doctors and was diagnosed with a bunch of ailments. Menopause, abdominal cramps, spastic bowel, appendicitis, kidney problems, you name it. The doctors were falling around in the dark trying to come up with a diagnosis that could explain her pain.

Eventually after many years of pain a friend suggested she see her doctor as she might have cancer. Sure enough when the doctors opened her up to have a look, she was riddled with cancer. The primary starting in her pancreas. If this hereditary thing is true, then all they had to do was look at her mother, who had died a diabetic. This would have pointed at the organ they needed to look at.

So I had some abdominal pain recently, in fact I’ve had abdominal pain many times throughout my life, but I absolutely know if I chill out and stop my fussing, I will allow my body to balance and heal itself. And no matter how many times I have been sick or in pain over the years, this has always happened, with or without a pain management treatment.

After witnessing my mothers experiences with the doctors, I was never a fan of the allopathic medical system. And at the ripe old age of 15 I embarked on a life long journey to find out what exactly makes us ill and how can we cure our illnesses. Even the incurable and hereditary ones. It has been a fascinating and enlightening ride which has taken me around the globe and into the lives and journeys of some of the most incredible people you could ever meet. Oh Boy, I have had some adventures! Ones I will tell you about at a later date, if you would like to know.

I never go to a doctor and I don’t take drugs because after years of research and enlightenment, I absolutely KNOW my incredible body has the power to heal itself if I will just get out of the way of allowing it to do so.  But after an afternoon on the couch paralysed with acute back and abdominal pain, I decided to get checked out by the medical system. I have the ability of insight or ‘medical intuition.’ I can look inside my body and see, and so I looked. What I saw was internal swelling. It looked like a liquid lump with a clump of blood vessels radiating out from a central point. So I thought right! I need to get this checked out.  After all I could be dying of cancer just like my mother.

I had a CT scan, which was an amazing experience, and blood tests of all kinds, and nothing. I thought for sure I could blame my fat ass on a thyroid problem or maybe I would be a bit diabetic, but no, everything checked out. Apparently I am really healthy!  They did tell me I’m in menopause and I thought to myself after months of hot flushes and lethargy… OH YOU THINK!

SO I’m just out of shape, can’t have anymore babies and spend far too much head space criticising myself for being like this..

Why am I healthy when my mother was not at my age?

Well first of all I made a decision a long time ago that I would NOT repeat my mother’s life. She was an amazing example for me of how to live a life you don’t want and die in pain. But her pain did not start when she became ill, her pain started when she was married with three young children and dreaming about a different life.

Regret, failure and self-criticism tortured my mother for many years before she registered physical pain in her body. You see she was just about the most stunningly beautiful woman you could ever lay your eyes on. OMG her physical beauty would stop a room. She shone like the sun. She stood out like a radiant star in any group photo and people were mesmerised by her beauty. She wanted it all, she wanted to be a super star, a singer actor, she wanted to light up the stage and see her name in lights. And she did for a short time, but in those days, this sort of thing wasn’t right for nice girls. So she married a rich handsome privately schooled younger man, had three children and settled for a life she never really wanted.

How we torture ourselves with our self-critical thoughts.  Can you imagine how Alice, my daughter’s step-mum, must have worried throughout her life about dying young like her mother. This thought must have always been in the back of her mind. How did she combat it? How did she find ways of turning this worry around? I will never know, and I suspect she didn’t find a way to come to peace with it, especially when she was diagnosed with the same disease as her mother four and a half years ago. I can only tell you how I have come to terms with the same thought.

First of all I wanted to know, Why? Why do we get sick? Why do we die young? Where do we go when we die and what is the true purpose of our lives? Why are we really here?

After thirty-five years of inquiry and practice I can tell you sickness is All about stress! Sure we can have hereditary tendencies to disease and we can get hit by a truck, but what I have learnt over the years of healing, teaching and amplifying my intuitive abilities is;  There are NO accidents, we get to decide all of it, because we get to decide what we think about, what we focus on and how we want to Feel. We alone are the creators of our personal realities and therefore our personal physical world.

We have amazing amounts of well-being energy available to us which creates perfect health, balance and attracts all we can desire if we allow it. But if we think in resistant or stressful ways, then we pinch ourselves off from this energy rendering our bodies out of balance and our health declines. It does NOT matter what you eat, how you live or what religion you practise, this energy is available to everyone at all times and will maintain your well-being for as long as you want to live.

It’s thoughts like;  This is wrong and I don’t want this life;  I don’t like them, that, him, her, my job, my body, my life. And then there are the what if’s, that can really get you down… ‘What if I get sick like my mother? What if I can’t have what I want? what if it doesn’t  work out?  I hate this, I don’t like that, this should be different,’ push push push.

When we push against  something or someone, when we resist ANYTHING, we resist the flow of the well-being energy that is balancing and creating our lives. Our doubts and our self-critical thoughts are the most stressful and resistant thoughts we can muster. They pinch off our energy supply, rendering our bodies more susceptible to illnesses, hereditary weakness, germs and disease in general.

But don’t fret too much about your stressing, as we have a really good buffer called time, which is working in our favour. A Stressful thought does NOT hold as much power to manifest as good feeling thoughts, because a stressful thought doesn’t carry with it the same about of energy.

Haven’t you noticed how tired you become when you worry and how energized you are when you are in love, or really interested in something? Getting sick takes time.

I’m sure you have known someone who has complained all their life and although life doesn’t go exactly the way they want, it’s still OK. This is because we live in an environment of well-being and when we notice this, when we know we are looked after even when we stress sometimes, life becomes less treacherous and we can start to relax.

We live in a friendly universe and we are the only ones responsible for our emotional pain.

But here’s the thing about indulging in stressful, critical, resentful or angry thoughts; THEY DO NOT FEEL GOOD!  And I don’t know about you, but everything I am asking for in life. EVERYTHING I want is because I believe when I have it, I will feel Good. We all want to feel good and the quality of our thoughts is responsible for this.

I know, I know, there are people in your life you just love to hate, you have  big reasons to and big stories about them, but hating people does NOT feel good. I don’t care who they are or what they have done, because Love is who we are! And when we indulge in a thought that is not a similar vibration as love, we feel the discord as negative emotions. Feeling bad is an indication that we are pinching off  our wellness energy supply.

One thing I know for sure; Our thoughts and beliefs create our emotional and physical reality.

We decide, We think the thoughts. We create and We manifest what happens in our lives.

I know, when we are dealing with pain and problems this statement looks like a bitch! How could I have created this disease, this pain or this torture and the struggle I’ve been going through? WHY would I do this to Myself?

As I sat next to Alice in her last days on earth wanting to say something healing, soothing, enlightening or at least comforting,  my ex-husband threw my words back at me from the other side of her bed.  “We are the creators of our own reality.” And as I sat with a dying woman, this statement did not seem to be appropriate at this time. It seem to say to her, I have failed to create the life I want, I have failed to heal my body, I have failed…

Alice had so many turns with the chemo. It was stressful to all who loved her to see her go through the illness that comes with the treatment. She said to me one day when she came to pick up my daughter, the cancer had returned somewhere else in her body, “I haven’t really fought this disease yet. Now that it’s back I’m really going to fight it with vigour this time. This time I will win against it. This time I’m really going to fight.”

The one thing I wanted to say to her throughout her war with cancer is… Stop fighting and LOVE it. Thank it, see the gift, see the perfection, learn from it, cherish it. STOP fighting it, stop fighting. Let go of the battle and LOVE it. Love all of it, this is happening for you, not to you. There are many lessons to learn and reminders from your soul, if you will but listen with your heart of not your mind which wants to judge it. But we think if we give in, if we give up the fight, we give up fighting for our health and the disease will win. But fighting ANYTHING just creates a war within us.

“What we resist persists. When we Love the life we have, we will have the life we want”

I said something like this to her on my driveway that day as we chatted about her predicament, but it fell on deaf ears. I was not her healer or teacher, I was not someone to be listen to, I was a nobody. Just the ex-wife and so I wasn’t heard and she rebelled against my words. She knew she had to fight, she couldn’t let this beat her like it had her mother. Why would she create something she didn’t want, she had to fight it, this was happening to her, not by her.

When we look at the end result of our troubled thoughts we see how they can create the very thing we are afraid of. But even when it does, at any stage and at any decline we can turn it around. We can achieve all we desire, even when we have created something unwanted, simply by changing the way we look at the world. We will always get what we want in the end. When we look at life from a broader perspective we will see there is never a desire that goes unfulfilled.

Alice couldn’t hear me that day on the driveway, but maybe someone who is reading this will. Maybe my words will resonate with someone who wants to put down their arms and stop resisting their world of problems.

As we give in, give up and surrender to Love, miracles become available to us, more energy becomes available. more Love, more life and more health. When we let go and go with the flow of the river of well-being that runs to us, through us and drives everything in our lives, we find that life can be a joyous ride and we can receive all we want.

I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis, because just like many of us I am susceptible to negative and resistant thinking like;  I’m too fat, too unfit, not good enough, not rich enough, not enough, and then I get over it. I remind myself that It’s not true. I look around the world and see the magnificent diversity that is life and say.. HEY, I am what I am, and it’s all right!

Alice did find her healing and her peace, she found it in the only way she knew how. She left the pain behind and returned to her Bliss. Like my mother she left behind many questions and people wanting answers to the meaning of life. She left a legacy of Love and healing. I am writing to you now because her death ignited in me more passion to tell my story and to spread my message of Love, chill out and Go with the Flow…

Death can bring great clarity to the things that are the most meaningful in our lives. It can make us feel deep gratitude for the things we enjoy while we are alive. Preparing for death can be one of the most empowering things we can do, it opens us up to more possibilities and makes available more connection with our non-physical, spiritual and loving counterpart.

We live in a friendly Universe and life is knocking itself out to bring us all we could ever dream about. But we have to let go of resisting the flow of life and remember to say YES to everything that is in our lives. WE ARE  LOVE and when we stop pushing against what is, we Remember to LOVE again.

Physical life is an adventure of infinite possibility … Lets enjoy the ride!

BIG LOVE ks xx 💚💜

I invite you to connect with me or leave a comment. 

❤️ KAren Swain is an incurable optimist, a spiritual teacher & educator, Intuitive life coach. An empowerment communicator, story-teller,  connector, medium, channel, author, documentary/film maker, radio host, blogger and above all human.

KAren is all about Self-Empowerment and the JOY of Deliberate Creating. Connected to the same energy source as you, she has encouraged a deeper connection to her broader self, guides and intuitive attributes and uses her abilities to empower others.

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